McCaffrey Family Labor Day 2009 - Treesdale

Just a photo journal again today. Treesdale is a family estate with a private lake that we go to every chance we get. It's getting kind of gross there because no one ever uses the lake like we do, but it's still so much fun. Some of my best memories are from here when I was a kid. Countless birthday, holidays, family functions... I hope we always have Treesdale to escape to when need be.

Oktoberfest @ the Hofbräuhaus

Pittsburgh, PA was recently lucky enough to be given the honor of being home of one of the four Hofbräuhaus franchises in the United States. They are currently hosting a huge Oktoberfest down in the Southside, so a bunch of us went down to celebrate. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves, needless to say, we had a blast.

Wake - Up Call

This society that I live in.. this culture that consumes me and dictates my every thought has gotten the better of me. The past 2 years have been about 2 things:

1.) Getting Pregnant

2.) Being Skinny

The first became a goal - an all-consuming goal - shortly after our wedding. My husband was 36 when we got married, I was 26, and we figured we should do it quickly so we don't run out of steam when our kids need our energy most. We tried and we failed. Go HERE to read the full story. In short, my body has decided that it doesn't want to have a baby and the prospect of attempting again is too terrifying to me. So the past 9 months have been focused on me letting go of that ambition.

The 2nd and most overwhelming of all is the obsession with being skinny. This has been an issue all of my life, as I'm sure it is for most girls living in modern America. We just can't be skinny enough. After my first marriage ended I dropped an insane 40 pounds within 2 months. It was obvious the reason for it, so no one questioned, everyone understood. And I was thrilled to lose the weight. I was starting my life over, had a new perspective of the world, a new body, a new joy...

I kept off most of the weight for several years, through a very stressful relationship, but once I met my husband I grew content with my life once again. We played house, I cooked dinner every night, packed our lunches for work, always had the cabinets and fridge stocked so my husband never went without. Now I'm paying for it. I've gained 30 pounds in the 2 years we've been living together.

I look in the mirror daily with disgust at what I've become. For the past year I've been obsessed. I joined a gym, but that was taking too long. I started fasting.. drinking only protein shakes for 2 meals a day and one meal that left me wanting. My calorie intake for the majority of the summer averaged 900 calories a day... and still does. Hunger has passed me. I don't ever feel hungry anymore. I eat because I have to... because it's a necessity.

I managed to drop 7 pounds in 2 weeks. Healthy? Yeah right. But do I feel good? Heck yeah. If I can lose 7 pounds in 2 weeks that means that it will only take me one more month to get down that 30 pounds.

I thought this sounded fabulous and perfect and flawless until I stumbled upon this:

The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell

Meg's testimony really hit home. I read her blog today for the first time and it opened my eyes to the reality of what I'm doing to myself... of what I've been doing to myself for the past 10 years of my life.

Now I'm trying to determine why it is so important for me to lose weight. I have to be honest with myself and I'm finding it very difficult.

I have a plan, though. Tonight I start back at the gym. I plan on making a food schedule with a pre-calculated calorie total and giving myself zero margin for adjustments.

Today I fail with food. It's almost 1pm and my consumption for the day includes only one half cup of coffee.

My reason for bringing this up is because I feel like if I share this with all of you, it will help me hold myself more accountable for my actions and my intentions. I read Meg's blog and realized that I'm not the only person on the planet dealing with these issues and I just wanted to talk about it. Just get it off my chest.

Now let's compare the me of the past and the me of the now.

Objectively I look at these and say there isn't much of a difference. Then I realize it's me I'm looking at and flaws scream at me... fuller face, thicker waist, meatier arms, wider hips... the list goes on and on.

Bottom line is, I need to change my lifestyle. That's what it's all about.. developing good habits. I start now. I'm going to lunch. Adios!

Myrtle Beach with the McCaffrey Family

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted... July, now October. It's been a busy summer with lots going on, lots still about to go on. I miss being able to just ramble on here, but it's so time consuming and I feel like I get lost in this cyber-world and stop living my real life.

Anyway, I wanted to share photos from the family vaca to Myrtle Beach in August. It was my first week-long visit with my little angel of a niece, Haley.