I'll tell you what it means to me, though.
It means I'm not alone. It means I'm not the only person that feels this pain and has a hard time getting past it. It means I'm not weird or abnormal. It means that what I'm feeling is okay, it's allowed. Also, it means today I'm allowed to be sad and I don't have to hide it. This really should be the case every day, but I'm letting myself be free today and feel these things openly.
I know that the pain of a lost pregnancy isn't as well understood by people who have not endured it. It isn't tangible. We never held our baby, never saw it's face, never touched them, but the grieving is just as real. The reality is that we have lost a child, too. Nothing changes that.
I think that now, since I'm beginning this grieving process after so long, it's time to start a tradition for every year on October 15th. I'm not sure what Tom and I will do, but here are some ideas I've seen and come up with myself.
- Buy something special in memory of our baby
- Charm Bracelet - add a new charm each year
- Write a letter or poem for our baby
- Create a piece of art each year - pouring all of the emotions of the loss into it
- Dinner out, taking time to talk about how the feelings have changed over the past year