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| drawing by me, 2015 sketchbook project |
There's always these moments in time when everything changes. It's terrifying, exciting, overwhelming, exhilarating... and almost always painful. Sometimes it seems that every possible change that could possibly happen waits until the same exact moment to reach it's precipice... and instead of just stepping onto a new path, you feel like you've just jumped off of a cliff in a free fall, not knowing if or where you'll land, feeling your stomach rise to your heart and your heart rise to your throat... but then... just when you think the fear might kill you, something lifts... you relax a little and realize the feeling of falling isn't so bad. You embrace the rush of the unknown racing towards you and you just let go of whatever false control you were holding on to. Instead of falling, you're floating. Instead of focusing on the possibly catastrophic ending to your fall, you change your perception. In that exact moment, you connect to the idea that you are completely un-tethered. Instead of seeing that your disconnect from stability will eventually end in a sudden and abrupt meeting with a solid force, you look at that one second... and in that one second, you are simply unattached. You are free.
But, you have to surrender.
That's where I am now. Things happen. I can, perhaps, influence these situations slightly, but not much. So, I'm doing my part, and otherwise, just enjoying the ride.
This beautiful life we've been given to live, love and experience... it needs a deliberate person to really, fully, venerate it. No more apathetic living. No more squandering my moments on thinking "what if" or regretting.
I will be mindful and present... open to pain and joy alike... vulnerable and strong... free, but always moving with a purpose... balanced.
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